I wanna leave a Legacy

 

So today is not just any other day… today is my birthday!

I have really been thinking about this birthday more than most birthdays. A friend of mine blogged not to long ago about her birthday and turning 25. She mentioned that a lot of birthdays come and go but at 25 you tend to reevaluate your life and think about what you have done and haven’t done. Looking over your bucket list and seeing what is left to be checked off. Places you want to go and people you want to see.

Well. On my 25 birthday (last year) I wasn’t thinking that. I had a 5 month old baby and was trying to get my life back in order from a crazy gallbladder surgery.

This year is so different. Since the New Year started, I started to think about my life and what I want to do. Things I want to change about myself and maybe put in some new goals to achieve.

One thing that rings over and over in my head is; what will they say about me when I’m gone?? Was I a good person? Did I do enough? Was I a true friend? Honest? Loving? Compassionate? Was I everything my husband needed and more? Am I the kind of mom that Sage needs and will we have a relationship worth bragging about in 20 years? Did people see Jesus in me? I want to leave a legacy.

My mom posted a note dedicated to me today on her facebook about how she sees me. How she feels about me and how much she loves me. It’s so hard to not think she is being biased. It’s hard to believe that someone could see those things in me when I have a hard time seeing them in myself. At 26 you think, crap, 4 more years and I’m 30. By now my ways are pretty “set in stone”. It’s hard to change and hard to learn new things. But at this point, I am so willing to learn. I have a lot more room to TRULY grow. I have goals. Simple ones like, grow my family, buy a new house, learn to sew, become a better cook. But I also have difficult ones, like be a better wife, better mom, better friend. Those things are constantly changing… sometimes good… sometimes bad.

I want to be a better friend. I feel like I have said that a lot in the past year. In high school I really messed up some great friendships. All over a boy. So dumb… anyway… I have, since then, strived to be a better friend. I try to be honest. I try to be a better listener and not have such an opinion. I try to put my friends before myself. I think I will always strive to be a better friend. Even though I only have a handful of girlfriends, I know that I can count on them. I know that they will always listen. And for that, I want to do the same. I want to be a better friend.

I want to be a better wife. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. In those 4 years we have traveled more than most couples who have been married for 50 years. I am blessed to have a hard working man who loves the Lord and truly relies on him. But this last year has been incredibly rough. Our true, TRUE colors have come out and we have had our battles. We are learning more about ourselves and learning that change (in us) isn’t a bad thing. It’s not “giving into the other person”. It’s just bettering our marriage. I strive to be a Proverbs 31 wife. Some days are better than others, but either way… I want to be a better wife.

I want to be a better mom. Even though I have only been going at it for 16 months, I catch myself doing things I said I wouldn’t. Like blowing a gasket over something like… she ran over my nieces head with her push car. Although Leah didn’t cry or even budge… I got incredibly upset. I felt myself shaking at the thought of Leah’s head being smashed all because my 1 year old should have known better. haha.. She’s ONE!!! yeah. Anyway… I want her to be this wonderful person. Loving, Caring, Forgiving, Excepting, and I know she will only be that way if we raise her that way. I want to be a better mom.

I want to love Jesus better. I’ve said this a million times and I’ll say it again. Never have I EVER had to rely on Jesus more in this last year then I have in my whole 26 years of living. I know I still have a lot of life to live and a lot to learn, but I need Jesus more and more. I want to reflect his light and speak his truth. I don’t want to be ashamed of what I believe and know the word when things come at me. I want to have no fear in praying over people the minute they ask, and have nothing to hide when I honestly tell them “I’m Praying for you”. I want Jesus to shine through me. I want to Love Jesus better.

I’m sure as this year comes and goes my goals will change and I will freak out that I am one year closer to 30. But until then, I have these goals to reach.

Leaving a legacy for my friends and family.

So that at the end of this life, when I meet Jesus face to face, I can hear him say…

“Well done, my good and faithful servant…”

PS. if you know me well, I love and sing Nicole Nordman’s music. Here is her Song “legacy”… one of my favorites 🙂

http://youtu.be/F8dZG2yqB_I –

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No Pain, No Gain!

You’re all familiar with this phrase. You probably heard it during a sports practice or working out with a coach.

“IF THERE IS NO PAIN YOU WILL GAIN NOTHING, KID!”

Well, what about emotional pain?? What about pain of losing your child? Or losing your job?? What about a divorce? What about a kid that refuses to believe in God and follow the world? What about losing your house, your assets?

 Where’s the gain in that??

This is something that has been on my heart this last week as I have seen a handful of friends talk about their most recent “pains”. We are always so stuck on questioning God, because in that moment, it makes NO SENSE why we are struggling so much! I, personally, have been battling God lately. There is A LOT that I just don’t get right now! I mean, seriously. It’s ridiculous the emotional rollercoaster I have been on in just one week. At this point it is just easier to throw in the towel and say “Alright. I’m Done. I give up, God. There is no “gain” in all this “pain”. And it’s not worth it!!!”

This week, I took a break from my hard-core working out and eating right. I didn’t full-blown throw it to the side, but enough to notice a difference!  BUT, I needed it. I needed time to pray. I needed time to sit. And today, at church, the Pastor asked us to take a Risk. A risk bigger then we know what to do with. No matter what God asks of us, he wants us to take that step of faith and believe that God has something better. No pain, No gain.

God didn’t call us to take the easy road. I have no idea why I am battling God so much. I have no idea what God is doing in my life (I can tell you right now, I hate it.) I have no idea what else could possibly be thrown into my path. I already feel like I am trying to carry the world. And the funny thing is, God is following behind me waiting for me to drop it so he can pick it up for me…. I’m so stubborn.

Jesus, why did you create me, knowing the storms I would face? I know you only want good for me, and I trust you in that, but I am having a hard time being patient as it comes. I need you so much more than ever. I want to take that risk for you. Give me the peace I need as I wait for the sun to shine thru the clouds.

To all my friends that have had Pain with NO gain… It’s on its way! We may not understand it now, but God knows better than anyone, that the outcome will TOTALLY be worth it.

Love you,

Cherith

James 1:2-4

” 2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing”