So today is not just any other day… today is my birthday!
I have really been thinking about this birthday more than most birthdays. A friend of mine blogged not to long ago about her birthday and turning 25. She mentioned that a lot of birthdays come and go but at 25 you tend to reevaluate your life and think about what you have done and haven’t done. Looking over your bucket list and seeing what is left to be checked off. Places you want to go and people you want to see.
Well. On my 25 birthday (last year) I wasn’t thinking that. I had a 5 month old baby and was trying to get my life back in order from a crazy gallbladder surgery.
This year is so different. Since the New Year started, I started to think about my life and what I want to do. Things I want to change about myself and maybe put in some new goals to achieve.
One thing that rings over and over in my head is; what will they say about me when I’m gone?? Was I a good person? Did I do enough? Was I a true friend? Honest? Loving? Compassionate? Was I everything my husband needed and more? Am I the kind of mom that Sage needs and will we have a relationship worth bragging about in 20 years? Did people see Jesus in me? I want to leave a legacy.
My mom posted a note dedicated to me today on her facebook about how she sees me. How she feels about me and how much she loves me. It’s so hard to not think she is being biased. It’s hard to believe that someone could see those things in me when I have a hard time seeing them in myself. At 26 you think, crap, 4 more years and I’m 30. By now my ways are pretty “set in stone”. It’s hard to change and hard to learn new things. But at this point, I am so willing to learn. I have a lot more room to TRULY grow. I have goals. Simple ones like, grow my family, buy a new house, learn to sew, become a better cook. But I also have difficult ones, like be a better wife, better mom, better friend. Those things are constantly changing… sometimes good… sometimes bad.
I want to be a better friend. I feel like I have said that a lot in the past year. In high school I really messed up some great friendships. All over a boy. So dumb… anyway… I have, since then, strived to be a better friend. I try to be honest. I try to be a better listener and not have such an opinion. I try to put my friends before myself. I think I will always strive to be a better friend. Even though I only have a handful of girlfriends, I know that I can count on them. I know that they will always listen. And for that, I want to do the same. I want to be a better friend.
I want to be a better wife. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. In those 4 years we have traveled more than most couples who have been married for 50 years. I am blessed to have a hard working man who loves the Lord and truly relies on him. But this last year has been incredibly rough. Our true, TRUE colors have come out and we have had our battles. We are learning more about ourselves and learning that change (in us) isn’t a bad thing. It’s not “giving into the other person”. It’s just bettering our marriage. I strive to be a Proverbs 31 wife. Some days are better than others, but either way… I want to be a better wife.
I want to be a better mom. Even though I have only been going at it for 16 months, I catch myself doing things I said I wouldn’t. Like blowing a gasket over something like… she ran over my nieces head with her push car. Although Leah didn’t cry or even budge… I got incredibly upset. I felt myself shaking at the thought of Leah’s head being smashed all because my 1 year old should have known better. haha.. She’s ONE!!! yeah. Anyway… I want her to be this wonderful person. Loving, Caring, Forgiving, Excepting, and I know she will only be that way if we raise her that way. I want to be a better mom.
I want to love Jesus better. I’ve said this a million times and I’ll say it again. Never have I EVER had to rely on Jesus more in this last year then I have in my whole 26 years of living. I know I still have a lot of life to live and a lot to learn, but I need Jesus more and more. I want to reflect his light and speak his truth. I don’t want to be ashamed of what I believe and know the word when things come at me. I want to have no fear in praying over people the minute they ask, and have nothing to hide when I honestly tell them “I’m Praying for you”. I want Jesus to shine through me. I want to Love Jesus better.
I’m sure as this year comes and goes my goals will change and I will freak out that I am one year closer to 30. But until then, I have these goals to reach.
Leaving a legacy for my friends and family.
So that at the end of this life, when I meet Jesus face to face, I can hear him say…
“Well done, my good and faithful servant…”
PS. if you know me well, I love and sing Nicole Nordman’s music. Here is her Song “legacy”… one of my favorites 🙂